[personal profile] inanna
i abhor hormonal shifts. i don't know they are coming, not really... each month is different, some are bad, some are just eh. And when they hit... i go from a relatively sane individual to an irrational bitch in moments. Often in the middle of a conversation or event.

The other thing is that situations that are... mostly (or barely) tolerable but not ideal... become intolerable. So, it isn't that i say things i don't mean... because they are things that have been bothering me... but they come out with no filters, no gentleness.

This is why "this time of the month" is so difficult. It comes on quickly and has no compassion. Well.. .that isn't even true. In my mind i can hear the kind me screaming i don't want to do this... that it is too much, too far, too cruel, will serve no good, will only cause drama... but that part is in a box that cannot be voiced. Sometimes i can write it down. But mostly it just gets smothered by everything else.

If i (and my beloveds) are lucky, i can catch it quickly and isolate myself. This month we weren't so lucky.

i can't say i am sorry for... what i was feeling. My anger, my frustration, my sadness, my isolation... those are all real things that don't get acknowledged very often. But i am sorry that things came out the way they did - the pain that they caused coming out and the wounds in our relationships that won't slip away with the hormone changes - for those things i am sorry... and it adds to the shame and depression that is already present with the hormones and the aftermath.

Date: 2012-02-10 08:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] m-cobweb.livejournal.com
I understand this all too well (although in my case, I got paranoia along with the irritability and anger, ugh). I'm still on the pill, as continuous contraception now, even though I had a hysterectomy eight years ago, because those hormonal swings were so intensely miserable.

FWIW, I had some luck with dong quai tea. Raspberry leaf and angelica are almost as good.

Date: 2012-02-10 09:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] malkatsheva.livejournal.com
That sounds ROUGH. The only thing that seems to help me through similar situations is a combination of mindfulness meditation and deep breathing, which sounds laughably ineffective but in fact has worked surprisingly well for me.

Date: 2012-02-11 12:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] neversremedy.livejournal.com
*big hugs* We make mistakes, we work through them with our family, and we find ways to make each day after that much better. Remember to honor your awareness of these patterns, and willingness to seek to change them, or at least minimize them (e.g. by removing yourself when you know it's coming).

Date: 2012-02-11 02:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] that6tall2girl.livejournal.com
Oh heavens, yes. I completely understand. I can feel myself tipping into the horrid zone. Picking fights, losing my mind over small things. It's awful.

Date: 2012-02-11 07:57 am (UTC)

Date: 2012-02-11 08:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] girlshawn.livejournal.com
I read somewhere the Cherokee had these lodges just for women and their moon time. They would go away for a week to relax and take care of themselves. I often wish I could do that to this day.

Date: 2012-02-12 09:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chaoscat.livejournal.com
It's hard to deal with emotions. Even harder when you're misunderstood about them. :/

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inanna

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