My stepmother just called a bit ago. My father has just passed away. I am too tired and emotionally wrung out to post more now... but expect a long post later as I process. Just fair warning.

It was peaceful at the end. Was the pneumonia, probably brought on by depressed immune system from the chemotherapy, not the brain cancer, that killed him. I was dreaming about my grandmother (not my real grandmother, but my dream-grandmother) dying and me telling her it was ok to go just before I got the call.

Safe journey to your next adventure, Daddy. I'll miss talking with you. I love you still.

Tommy Dee Ronsse 2 June 1936 - 21 June 2009

Posted via

Happy birthday, my beloved husband. May you be blessed with peace in your spirit, love in your heart, and prosperity in all aspects
of your life. I love you so very much, and I look forward to sharing many more birthdays with you. :-*

Posted via


Nov. 19th, 2008 08:19 am
So, this is probably going to be a rather long post... bits of TMI on a couple of levels. i'll cut and tag TMI bits, but you may end up reading them no matter what. But, rather than do a bunch of little posts, i figure one big one will just have to suit.

i haven't been around much. i haven't been writing here, nor in my paper journal, either. That rather makes me sad - there is something cathartic about writing. It helps move the energy and gets the thought patterns moved, too.

As you know, if you have read me at all, my beloved was laid off a couple weeks ago. Scary time, no matter what time of year... but a bit worse when one is heading into cold weather, higher utility bills, holidays, and all that jazz. We've really buckled down and are not acting like idiots. There are a couple things i can still cut (like the TV), although i'd prefer not to need to do that on a couple of levels. But, it can and will be done if necessary. Discretionary spending has dried up pretty much. Still paying the kids' allowance - that'll go for a while longer, too. Not going out... not driving more than necessary... not buying junk or frivilous things. Cooking and eating at home. Legumes and grains are our friends :)

We have yet to see the COBRA paperwork we should have received last week so that we can have access to the remaining money in our medical flex spending account. The company that my beloved's former employer has hired to help with the "transition" (meaning resume, interview, and job placement assistance) has yet to return any calls. And my beloved is heistant to nag the HR department at his former employer... i want to call every 10 minutes until they get off their still employed asses and make them do their jobs! Every day that we don't have those resources takes food from my children's mouths and risks the roof over their heads. As far as future employment, he has gotten some hits, but no interviews (yet!) - although this week has had some promises. It is hard to be a generalist in a world of specialists, i think.

The boys are doing well. [ profile] darkmuffin is almost through with much of his 5th grade curriculum book... since we were still slogging through 4th grade work towards the very end of testing time last year, this is just astounding. Also means we need to do more other things. i have a book on chemistry projects on hold at a local education store... as soon as i can justify the money, i want to get it (and the needed supplies). He does still have his electronics set and his programming book - IF i can get him interested again. Need to do more art - some art - with them. It is just so not my field of interest/expertise. But, it can be fun. i have all these little projects in mind, but actually getting them started is so challenging - especially right now. [ profile] scootercomputer can now read. He is working his way through the Bob books (a series of books for teaching reading)... he is comfortable with the length and size of the books... so now is time to start with something new. He is also working his way through the Kindergarten curriculum i picked up. He isn't doing it in order - but he is mostly doing it enthusiastically, so that is good.

Right now we have two lovely houseguests. i am thinking the best that they, too, find gainful employment - for their sakes more than mine, really. It is interesting sharing the house with other pagans, other women, other adults. It isn't bad, it is just odd. :) And sometimes quite nice! But, i wish we had a house the size of the Edmonds house here - 5 bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths, formal living room, dining room, and family room would sure be handy :) Still, they are lovely and i enjoy talking with other adults, not just kids all the time. Selfish, but i like it. :D

As for me, i am doing. Doing lots and doing nothing, it feels like. i am eating better. i am exercising more. i am reducing my weight (over 2 stone already). i am sporradically working on the house - compulsion alternating with apathy. i have our bills as organized as i can get them - i have real issues w/ money ... on one level i am tired of being the one primarily responsible for making our budget work, on another i am too much of a control freak to let anyone else do it (especially since my beloved hasn't had the best track record with checkbooks on his own).

Before Autumn fully arrived i/we spent a bunch of time putting up that plastic film on the outside of almost all the windows. Well... a fat lot of good that did... all but one window has had the film come off due to wind/rain/expansion-contraction/who-the-fuck-knows. They were nice while they lasted, though. Because of the type of windowsills and the number of animals in our house who like to sit on said sills, doing it on the inside isn't that feasible - but i may give it a shot anyway. Or, perhaps just dig through my fabric bin and see what i can find to nail up over the windows on the inside.

i have found a movie site online... streaming video so sometimes i have to break to let it spool... but i have watched a couple movies the last few days, including Heavy Metal (shades of my past), Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2 (cute), and Mamma Mia (how did they get it so fast??). May watch Quantum of Solace - if it is really on there after all.

Ok.. this may be TMI with squick factor for girly bits, be forewarned )

i realized that, while i have been concerned about my cervical health, and even had some fears of nastiness, deep down i don't feel like anything bad can/will happen to me. i don't know if that makes me intuitive, an optimist, or just plain stupid. i am hoping for the former rather than the latter. But, more will be known in less than a week. i have made some serious lifestyle changes to heal myself on many levels. i hope it works.

My father had back surgery on Monday. It was supposed to be last week, but they found some oddness with his heart and delayed it for further testing. The surgery lasted over 5 hours - they had to remove one of the disks in his neck and replace it with titanium, as well as doing work on other nearby disks. Hopefully this will allow him to regain use of his legs and hands. When he woke up he complained he didn't have full use of his arm and leg - but with the length of time the damage was there, overnight isn't exactly to be expected - and the doctor is hopeful. But, the doctor wanted to run more tests... i found out later it was because they thought he may have had a stroke in recovery. He didn't. But they found two tumors in his brain. One is operable - the other not. Now, when i talked to Susie (my step-mom) it had only been a few hours since they found the tumors, so no course of treatment nor prognosis has been made. And Dad has to recover from this surgery before they consider anything else. So, more wait and see. Dad didn't want to talk to me yesterday... hopefully he'll feel up to talking today. i'd really love to hear his voice.

On the good news, Dick (my step dad) - who has been diagnosed with a bone marrow/blood disease - is doing well with his treatment. His wbc has come way up with his chemo (one week on, 3 weeks off). He still gets tired, is anemic, and all... but he isn't getting WORSE.

The boys and i are scheduled for eye exams on Friday. We NEED to have the flex-spending-COBRA fixed, as that will cost over a hundred for the 3 of us ($20 co-pay each, and money for my glasses - the boys too if they need them).

So... for today... take it easyish, but i need to do laundry, make granola, and prep veggies for dinner tonight. Should go to the chiroprator, too. And pray - i don't know to what/whom - but prayers can't hurt.
[ profile] scootercomputer: Can i play Super Smash Brothers Brawl, please?

[ profile] damashita (me): No, you can't. Your brother is doing schoolwork and it is his game, so it wouldn't be fair for you to play it.

[ profile] scootercomputer: But life is not fair, Mom. So can i play it? Life is not fair, so i should be able to play it! Please!

i just love it when my own words bite me in the butt.




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