We ended up at the mall yesterday and in the wandering we passed by Torrid. Used to be Hot Topic for big girls... now it is way more tame and mundane. But, they were having an additional 50% off clearance items sale, so i figured it wouldn't hurt to look, even if i didn't buy. Plus, it would annoy the kids and that is worth something in and of itself.

Anyway, i tried on several pairs of pants. The 20's didn't fit. The 18's didn't fit. The 16's didn't fit. The 14's fit, but i didn't like the style (i am not into low rise pants that much). So... i didn't get any pants. But, last time i tried on clothes i was in 22+. These were women's 14 (not misses 14, which is a lot smaller). Too bad i didn't like the style beause they would have been about $7.50, and that isn't a bad price.

i also found a sword i LOVED... of course the $400 price tag made me wince. More than the Mah Jong set i found up at Blue Highway Games - it was only $175. And then there was the sweet little Papillion puppy (nicknamed "Cowboy" because of his spots) - our chiropractor's receiptionist's parents dog had 5 little ones - and he is $600. i need to win a BIG lottery. And get a bigger house. And a maid.
i am home. Actually got here around 3:AM. Of course that bleeding stopped just after i got there. i was dehydrated, so i got a bag of fluids (brrr). i got full blood tests - everything is right on the money. An examination of girly bits left more questions than answers as to why i was bleeding so much. Got sent home with the orders for "complete pelvic rest" (now isn't that a cute euphamism for no nookie) for at least a week - and no strenous activity at all, including my workouts, for the same timeframe.

If i could have just made it another hour, i wouldn't have had to go in at all. But the amount of blood i lost the hour previous to going, and the fact that i nearly passed out trying to walk back from the bathroom, had me scared. So... bye-bye what Yule fund we had. Virtuoso had better fucking get us the COBRA paperwork soon so that we can keep our flex account current, we'll need that money. They didn't make us pay, said they'd bill us (got the feeling that she didn't want to deal with it at all, actually), so i have no idea how much this is going to cost. i hate this. Just saying.

And my insides are sore. Sucks.

But... i am home, not in the hospital for emergency surgery. Didn't have to have transfusion or other nastiness. Get to cuddle my beloved, my boys, my critters. That is all worth a lot.


Nov. 19th, 2008 08:19 am
So, this is probably going to be a rather long post... bits of TMI on a couple of levels. i'll cut and tag TMI bits, but you may end up reading them no matter what. But, rather than do a bunch of little posts, i figure one big one will just have to suit.

i haven't been around much. i haven't been writing here, nor in my paper journal, either. That rather makes me sad - there is something cathartic about writing. It helps move the energy and gets the thought patterns moved, too.

As you know, if you have read me at all, my beloved was laid off a couple weeks ago. Scary time, no matter what time of year... but a bit worse when one is heading into cold weather, higher utility bills, holidays, and all that jazz. We've really buckled down and are not acting like idiots. There are a couple things i can still cut (like the TV), although i'd prefer not to need to do that on a couple of levels. But, it can and will be done if necessary. Discretionary spending has dried up pretty much. Still paying the kids' allowance - that'll go for a while longer, too. Not going out... not driving more than necessary... not buying junk or frivilous things. Cooking and eating at home. Legumes and grains are our friends :)

We have yet to see the COBRA paperwork we should have received last week so that we can have access to the remaining money in our medical flex spending account. The company that my beloved's former employer has hired to help with the "transition" (meaning resume, interview, and job placement assistance) has yet to return any calls. And my beloved is heistant to nag the HR department at his former employer... i want to call every 10 minutes until they get off their still employed asses and make them do their jobs! Every day that we don't have those resources takes food from my children's mouths and risks the roof over their heads. As far as future employment, he has gotten some hits, but no interviews (yet!) - although this week has had some promises. It is hard to be a generalist in a world of specialists, i think.

The boys are doing well. [livejournal.com profile] darkmuffin is almost through with much of his 5th grade curriculum book... since we were still slogging through 4th grade work towards the very end of testing time last year, this is just astounding. Also means we need to do more other things. i have a book on chemistry projects on hold at a local education store... as soon as i can justify the money, i want to get it (and the needed supplies). He does still have his electronics set and his programming book - IF i can get him interested again. Need to do more art - some art - with them. It is just so not my field of interest/expertise. But, it can be fun. i have all these little projects in mind, but actually getting them started is so challenging - especially right now. [livejournal.com profile] scootercomputer can now read. He is working his way through the Bob books (a series of books for teaching reading)... he is comfortable with the length and size of the books... so now is time to start with something new. He is also working his way through the Kindergarten curriculum i picked up. He isn't doing it in order - but he is mostly doing it enthusiastically, so that is good.

Right now we have two lovely houseguests. i am thinking the best that they, too, find gainful employment - for their sakes more than mine, really. It is interesting sharing the house with other pagans, other women, other adults. It isn't bad, it is just odd. :) And sometimes quite nice! But, i wish we had a house the size of the Edmonds house here - 5 bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths, formal living room, dining room, and family room would sure be handy :) Still, they are lovely and i enjoy talking with other adults, not just kids all the time. Selfish, but i like it. :D

As for me, i am doing. Doing lots and doing nothing, it feels like. i am eating better. i am exercising more. i am reducing my weight (over 2 stone already). i am sporradically working on the house - compulsion alternating with apathy. i have our bills as organized as i can get them - i have real issues w/ money ... on one level i am tired of being the one primarily responsible for making our budget work, on another i am too much of a control freak to let anyone else do it (especially since my beloved hasn't had the best track record with checkbooks on his own).

Before Autumn fully arrived i/we spent a bunch of time putting up that plastic film on the outside of almost all the windows. Well... a fat lot of good that did... all but one window has had the film come off due to wind/rain/expansion-contraction/who-the-fuck-knows. They were nice while they lasted, though. Because of the type of windowsills and the number of animals in our house who like to sit on said sills, doing it on the inside isn't that feasible - but i may give it a shot anyway. Or, perhaps just dig through my fabric bin and see what i can find to nail up over the windows on the inside.

i have found a movie site online... streaming video so sometimes i have to break to let it spool... but i have watched a couple movies the last few days, including Heavy Metal (shades of my past), Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2 (cute), and Mamma Mia (how did they get it so fast??). May watch Quantum of Solace - if it is really on there after all.

Ok.. this may be TMI with squick factor for girly bits, be forewarned )

i realized that, while i have been concerned about my cervical health, and even had some fears of nastiness, deep down i don't feel like anything bad can/will happen to me. i don't know if that makes me intuitive, an optimist, or just plain stupid. i am hoping for the former rather than the latter. But, more will be known in less than a week. i have made some serious lifestyle changes to heal myself on many levels. i hope it works.

My father had back surgery on Monday. It was supposed to be last week, but they found some oddness with his heart and delayed it for further testing. The surgery lasted over 5 hours - they had to remove one of the disks in his neck and replace it with titanium, as well as doing work on other nearby disks. Hopefully this will allow him to regain use of his legs and hands. When he woke up he complained he didn't have full use of his arm and leg - but with the length of time the damage was there, overnight isn't exactly to be expected - and the doctor is hopeful. But, the doctor wanted to run more tests... i found out later it was because they thought he may have had a stroke in recovery. He didn't. But they found two tumors in his brain. One is operable - the other not. Now, when i talked to Susie (my step-mom) it had only been a few hours since they found the tumors, so no course of treatment nor prognosis has been made. And Dad has to recover from this surgery before they consider anything else. So, more wait and see. Dad didn't want to talk to me yesterday... hopefully he'll feel up to talking today. i'd really love to hear his voice.

On the good news, Dick (my step dad) - who has been diagnosed with a bone marrow/blood disease - is doing well with his treatment. His wbc has come way up with his chemo (one week on, 3 weeks off). He still gets tired, is anemic, and all... but he isn't getting WORSE.

The boys and i are scheduled for eye exams on Friday. We NEED to have the flex-spending-COBRA fixed, as that will cost over a hundred for the 3 of us ($20 co-pay each, and money for my glasses - the boys too if they need them).

So... for today... take it easyish, but i need to do laundry, make granola, and prep veggies for dinner tonight. Should go to the chiroprator, too. And pray - i don't know to what/whom - but prayers can't hurt.
Today i am starting a new filter... called [Health]. It will be an online log of my journey from where i am now to a more healthy place. It will include weekly weigh ins, things i am doing (and not doing) to make full life changes, and probably a daily food log. If you want in, let me know. If you don't, no offense... this one is strictly for me anyway... but you never know who will find things like this interesting.



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