(no subject)

[inanna]

i am... overwhelmed and afraid and scared and terrified and panicked and obsessed and dead inside.

i don't know how i am going to make it through this move. To be prepared. To be financially able. i need to rehome my chinchillas. i need to rehome most/all my birds. i may need to rehome my dog. i need to get rid of at least half of my "stuff" - or more. And i have maybe 8 weeks to do it all. And i want to crawl into a hole and fill it in after me.

Mom is coming down tomorrow to help. And of course, the thought of her seeing my house so messy is making me want to hide even more. i need to sort through at least one room a week - sort and pack. If i can sort and pack one room a week, i will be pretty much ready by the time we have to move. 4 upstairs rooms - living room, 'school' room, family room, kitchen/dining room. But i have to add in the storage shed and the pantry area. One a week may not sound so bad... but most of you haven't seen my house. And... in addition... i need to get darkmuffin back on school track, do all the cooking and routine cleaning,... plus find a new place to live, figure out where to get the money to pay for the move, keep on top of all the bills, screen homes for the animals, get darkmuffin to hockey on time at least twice a week (Sat and Sun mornings by 7:30 usually), and make time for time with my husband. Oh... and maybe time for me, too.

i went through several boxes tonight... i am trying to be brutal. i have kept about 1 box of the 10 i have sorted through so far. i have thrown out all the writings and papers and cards and letters and stories from the past 30 years or so that i have been hanging onto for no good reason. i found my girlscout pins/patches... they are gone now. i found letters from an old love... gone. Pictures and papers and notes and letters. Who needs things and stuff... the memories are there or they aren't. If they are, then wonderful. If they aren't, do they really need to be dredged up again? i found some rose potpourris that my friend Jill and i made when we were about 14 - amazingly it still smelled fresh and strong nearly 24 years later. Gone. The glass bottle is up for grabs.

There is so much up for grabs. Books. Records. Betta tanks. Decorative boxes. Baby/craft scale. Dishes. Books. Clothing/shoes. SCA style/Con style clothing (none my size now... and who knows if i'll be that size again or if i'll ever do things like the SCA or Cons again anyway). Stones. Petrified wood. Books. Free or donation.

For sale i know we have at least 1 DVD player. A pilates performer similar to this one only with 4 resistance cords and with burgandy/brown, not black, vinyl and no videos. A spinning wheel with some fibre. A table loom. Probably a TV. Probably another DVD player. Probably a VCR. Likely a surround system that does great for TV and for radio, but whose DVD/CD player part is broken - or free on that one.

To add to the joy, i am having sleeping issues again. And stomach issues. And eating issues.

And i still want to be in a hole. Oh. i am.

Comments

[tmtashn.livejournal.com]

Wow.

You are dealing with some hugely significant losses...no wonder you feel the way you do. It's amazing you are accomplishing what you are - and in these circumstances, despite whatever issues you have about your mom seeing rooms so messy, remember that a) you're an adult and can keep your house as you please (okay, *I* never worked through that one either) and b) all things considered, if one can even walk through the rooms, it's a miracle. After all - you're in the middle of moving!

But how sad to have to rehome some of your family. It's pretty tough to accomplish all you've set yourself to accomplish while grieving. Don't be too hard on yourself...and I hope you have more help than it sounds like you do. My warmest and most positive thoughts are going your way for things to become brighter and more manageable - immediately.

[inanna.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[wingedelf.livejournal.com]

Don't be too hard on yourself...and I hope you have more help than it sounds like you do.

Maybe you can get her to hear the first part. I can't. I've been trying for nearly eleven years now.

We also have an ongoing issue with the help part. She often seems to want to hold others to a standard which she can't or won't communicate, and it's increasingly more and more difficult to help when trying to do so generates snide comments, disapproving looks, or, just as frequently, nothing said at the time but a re-doing of everything a helper did because it failed to live up to that unspoken standard.

She's not alone in this. I have many of the same tendancies, and would usually rather do things myself than ask for assistance and deal with the annoyance which comes from not having what they tried helping with fail to reach the standard i couldn't communicate.

Additionally, in this case, we can't act on beginning to move until early to mid-March, so the knowing it's there is just a Damocletian sword rather than a definitive end in the sense of 'we'll be going to point X on the nth.

Starting on the whole moving process again less than a year after having just gone through it is trying as well. Many of the things which are getting gone through now are things which we hadn't even unpacked from the last move simply because they weren't pressing-need, day-to-day use items. Most probably are ok to have gotten rid of- i can't say, as they weren't mine; but i know how it feels to dig through and discard things which have old memories attached to them.

[maiden-midwife.livejournal.com]

I feel overwhelmed with all you have to do from just reading your post. But I know that you will get through it. Moving is so hard especially when you have a lot of stuff.

Is your SCA/Con stuff too big or too small for you? What size is it? If it will fit me, I'd be willing to send you money to ship it to me.

[inanna.livejournal.com]

It is too small. i honestly don't know the size... but i am a 20ish now (i think)... some would still fit me, some not at all. i don't know where your size range is, so i don't know.

[chaoscat.livejournal.com]

which chinchillas are you finding homes for?

[inanna.livejournal.com]

All of them.

[inanna.livejournal.com]

But not for food. :)

[chaoscat.livejournal.com]

Oh no, no, I would NEVER dream of using a chin for food!!! Josh has a male and female chin, he's looking for a dark female or all white female though if you have one you'd like to adopt out?

[inanna.livejournal.com]

These are pet quality.. not breeders (at least hopefully not). :) They are standard grey - nothing special - other than that they deserve great lives.

[darkphoenixrisn.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[inanna.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[jencie.livejournal.com]

*hugs* to you and your entire household. I moved in with jerry almost two years ago, and much of my 'stuff' is still in storage. The purging is so difficult for pack-rat collectors such as myself, but once it's done i'm sure you'll feel better for it. I just wish you had more time to prepare, so you didn't feel so stressed about this. Please focus on getting enough rest and good nutrition during this time, you do not want/need an ulcer :-(
My hand is still bandaged up, unfortunately i'm not healing fast, or i'd come to help(don't know what i could do if i was able, but i'd try!)
Please take care of yourself, and you will be able to accomplish all of your pre-move goals.
love and more hugs,jenn

[inanna.livejournal.com]

Hey... if you want to get out... come on up. Sit and talk to me and drink tea so that i don't get caught up in my memories. No work required on your part. Other than seeing if any of my books or stuff is interesting. :)

*hugs*

But you take your time and get healed well. *hugs*

[heathwitch.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I wish I wasn't on the other side of the world, 'cause I'd be there like a shot to help out, even if it's just making sure everyone is well fed and watered during the sorting/packing processes, and offering a shoulder and a cuddle when the tears have to come...

And I think I would take the spinning wheel and loom too, if I could.

I will send you all some Reiki, and lots of hugs, and keep you in my thoughts. *more huggle*

[inanna.livejournal.com]

Ooh... i wish you were closer, too. But the kind thoughts and Reiki are much appreciated.

[heathwitch.livejournal.com]

*smiles and hugs you* Good luck, honey! :)

[shadowdaddy.livejournal.com]

Gads, you know I know exactly how hard this is. Stress, stress, stress, overwhelming...yeah. I'm really sorry you are having to do this again so soon.

V's point about having other people help rings true as well - and it's not really any sort of personality flaw, it's just that it's damn near impossible to ask other people to go through and help sort your stuff. You end up spending as much time giving directions and answering questions and saying 'yea' or 'nay' as if you just did it yourself. Which doesn't actually make it any easier or particularly helpful. =\

The pets are of course a particularly painful bit, and I hope you don't have to let go of all of them, for your sake and for the kids.

Remember that your mom is coming down to help, in whatever form that is (mind the kids for a while?) and given the situation it's perfectly understandable that the house is a mess. I'm sure she knows that. Don't worry about it.

If I could make you oatmeal, I absolutely would. Big hugs to you. You'll get through.

[inanna.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
i know you know...

And, Thank you.

Oatmeal is a good thing. i must remember to make it at least once a week.

*hugs*

[ayeshadream.livejournal.com]

I love you guys and I wish I could make it all better for you.

Just let me know if you'd like me to post anything to the local SCA lists. I know especially the loom and wheel would be snapped up in no time. I just wish I had room for them and I'd snap them up myself.

Hugs

[inanna.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thank you.

When i have my loom back (should be in a week or so) and figure out reasonable prices, i'll be posting on my LJ. If i don't get a bite there, i'll definitely ask you to spread the word around to your SCA friends.

Thank you

*hugs*

Re: Hugs

[inanna.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Thank you.

*hugs*

[mokie-sassafras.livejournal.com]

You really don't know me, but I'd like to help ... is there anything I can do? My 2 older kids are going to be gone next week (on vacation with their dad) so I'll have a little more free time than usual ... maybe I could help sort or pack or something?

[inanna.livejournal.com]

Oh, C... thank you. What often helps the most is just to have another person here to talk to and to keep me from getting distracted or wrapped up in memories. :)

BUT... the warning is my house is a mess. A terrible awful mess. Just a warning :)

If you want to give me the best email to use, i'll send you my addy and phone number.

*oh.. don't forget... you can look through all the stuff i am re-homing...my dining room does look like a thrift shop. * :)

Sorry to hear of the stress

[http://users.livejournal.com/cyberangel_/]

I'm sorry to hear that you're stressed out over moving and purging. I hope it goes as well as it can.

Re: Sorry to hear of the stress

[inanna.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thank you. i am doing better... bit by bit. i expect it will fluxuate a bit between now and the "move day". :)